Monday, December 14, 2009

Parenting Prohibitions

So being a parent, a good parent, to 3 small children is on my mind a lot. Here is a list that I came across from a lady named Suzanne Evans from 1994 that is very convicting. It is hard enough to live up to, just in everyday action, with people who are not your children.

"Do not provoke your children to anger...." Ephesians 6:4

"Do not exasperate your children, that they may lose heart..." Colossians 3:21

"Do not provoke your children to anger"

in day-to-day relating

Ignoring him
__ Being to busy to listen
__ Impatience
__ Insensitivity to his feelings
__ Lying
__ Breaking promises
__ Not respecting his privacy
__ Hypocrisy
__ Failure to acknowledge your own faults
__ Venting unrelated frustrations on him
__ Inflexibility

In your relation to other parent

Putting down other parent
Enlisting child's support against other parent
__ Verbal or physical abuse of other parent
__ Asking him to keep secrets from other parent

In relation to his siblings

Comparing him to siblings
__ Showing favoritism
__ Disciplining siblings unfairly or harshly
__ Failing to discipline siblings
__ Verbally or physically abusing siblings
__ Allowing siblings to abuse him in any way

In your response to his failures

__ Ridicule, teasing, name calling
__ Calling public attention to his failures
__ Yelling/screaming

In your response to his success

__ Ignoring his accomplishments
__ Belittling his accomplishments
__ Comparing him to someone more successful
__ Comparing him to someone as successful but younger than he

With your discipline

__ Rules that don't make sense
__ Jumping to conclusions
__ Accusing Falsely
__ Harsh discipline or harsh tone when correcting
__ Unjust discipline
__ Disciplining him in front of others
__ Accusing without allowing him an opportunity to explain
__ Silent treatment
__ Bursts of rage
__ Physical, emotional or verbal abuse

"Do not exasperate your children"

Failing to establish clear expectations

__ Making him guess what you want
__ Vacillating from day to day
__ Lack of unity between the parents
__ Failing to model the behavior that you expect from him

Failing to communicate appropriately

__ Interrupting
__ Speaking for him
__ Communicating with facial expressions and sighs instead of with words
__ Saying a reluctant, half-hearted "yes" instead of a firm but kind "no"
__ Saying "no" without taking time to consider

Attempting to control his behavior

__ Too many rules
__ Nagging
__ Going on about things he can't change
__ Going on and on about things he's trying to change
__ Manipulating him with threats and bribes

Lack of respect

__ Treating honest questions with scorn or disinterest
__ Making decisions which affect him without explaining reasons
__ Refusing to accept individuality

Refusing to let him grow

__ Being overprotective
__ Making decisions for him
__ Trying to make him a miniature you
__ Not giving him the credit for the ability to think for himself
__ Not expanding privileges as he evidences increased maturity

"Do not cause your child to lose heart"

Setting unattainable goals
__ Focusing on failure
__ Belittling achievement
__ Negative spirit about life in general
__ Unforgiveness
__ Conditional love
__ Perfectionism
__ Lack of sympathy for his hurts
__Withholding help
__ Withholding encouragement


mommycares said...

Good one on Beauty For Ashes - it helps a lot!

We clearly share similar parenting experiences and views.
I've been reading one that I'm hooked on -
I have a feeling you'd get a lot out of it.

Incredible job on your blog; keep it up.


Nikki said...

Thanks! I'll check out the site:)

Dana said...

Yikes! Great list ... but a bit daunting ... I have a LOT of room for improvement.

Dyer Importance... said...

I just found your blog! Thank you for this post. I am going throught the same struggle. It was very encouraging.

Jessica said...

Great post!